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authorYuval Adam <yuv.adm@gmail.com>2011-04-29 11:51:19 +0300
committerYuval Adam <yuv.adm@gmail.com>2011-04-29 11:51:19 +0300
commit4bebac6dc1b224c2cef4df63bf74064d20075203 (patch)
treeb5e09f279806e94b80eede7ddb87aae25dec6934 /sample_corpora/non-erotic.txt
parent6a8104d9511067cc19f42f52ef1ce898bc0cfb07 (diff)
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+ A NEW LAND by Vengeance
+
+ It was a glorious, yet sad occasion. Unklack the barbarian had just
+defeated the evil wizard "Monster Mage", but in the process, he had also
+slaughtered all of his fellow adventurers in a berzerker attack upon the
+evil wizard. "That's okay, I can always buy some more friends ", Unklack
+thought (translated from barbarian). So he proceeded through the room,
+which used to be the laboratory of Monster Mage, but now it was in such a
+wretched condition that it could be confused with a poorly kept Harpie's
+nest. Unklack had been traveling for over two years now, in search of the
+treasure of "Horace Greely", a good friend, and a noble warrior, but that
+didn'tt matter to Unklack, all he knew was that Horace was dead, and that
+he had left a hoard of treasure for any brave adventurer to find, and
+Unklack was sure that he would find it! As Unklack proceded down a narrow
+winding hall, with countless spider webs, and all other forms of sticky,
+slimey, trash, he began to think (translated again), "I wonder if I will
+ever find this marvelous treasure, shouldn't I have come to it by now?".
+And at that thought, he entered a room, which was barren, except for a
+door, which led out into a forest, and a shimmering hole, on the left side
+of the room that was so bright that it blinded Unklack for an instant.
+"Yaarrgghhh!!", Unklack screamed, realizing that the door was an exit, and
+not an entrance to a treasure chamber, which he had expected. "But what
+is that hole doing here", Unklack thought. For many years Unklack had
+despised magic, and anything that resembled magic, but in the past few
+years Unklack had grown accustomed to it, and even had a few magical items
+in his possesion. Unklack walked over to the hole, and peered into it,
+and what he saw, truly amazed him, worldy as he was. "It's another land!",
+Unklack thought. "Or it could be another trap set by the vanquished
+Monster Mage", considered Unklack. Well there was only one way to find out,
+so Unklack lowered himself down into the hole and instantly he vanished!
+The next thing Unklack saw, was a room, which was pretty much barren,
+except for a few weird looking chairs, a table, a closed door and over on
+the left wall, there was a huge chest with rectangular glowing sections,
+and on the sections there were strange glowing symbols. "Whoooppeee",
+cried Unklack, for he was sure that he had found the treasure now! "But
+how can I open the chest", Unklack wondered. Then Unklack had an idea
+(which came very seldom for Unklack) He could use his Helm of comprehending
+languages, to figure out the "riddle" on the chest! So he rummaged through
+his backpack and finaly found it, he then put on the helm, and stared at
+the symbols which read "COKE", and "Deposit 50 cents". "What type of
+riddle is this?", screamed Unklack, and before he knew it he was hacking
+the chest up with his broadsword (because this is what Unklack usually does
+when he gets angry). Suddenly fluid started pouring out all over Unklack,
+and the floor, and that was when he noticed the "black snake", which had
+come through a hole in the wall, and was probably eating his treasure!
+"Arrgghh!!", Unklack Arrgghhed, and he charged forward and severed the
+snake in half with his sword. The snake then fell to the wet floor, and
+instantly Unklack was paralyzed, as hundreds of volts flowed through his
+body. After about ten minutes of this, Unklack fell to a dry part of the
+floor, where he passed out. When Unklack awoke, he was lying in a bed,
+and next to him was a man with tubes coming out of his ears, and this
+strange mutant had a piece of cloth wrapped around Unklacks arm, which
+constricted, every time the man squeezed his hand together. "Fafadclearad!!",
+Unklack cursed, as he tore the cloth snake from his arm. Unklack then lept
+out of bed, and reached for his broadsword, which was not there, so he
+charged out of the room, and behind him he heard the Mutant yell "Security,
+stop that man", but this was just jibberish to Unklack so he ploughed
+through the crowd of strange looking people, in odd looking clothes, until
+he reached the exit. Standing in front of the exit were two men, one of
+which had a club, and the other had a metal object, which he pointed at
+Unklack. These peasants posed no problem for Unklack, so he charged through
+them and came to a glass wall. On top of the wall, there was a strange
+glowing red eye, which glittered dangerously. "How can I get through this",
+Unklack wondered, because he had nothing with him, except for his pants,
+and his long cloak, and Unklack usually relied on his broadsword to get him
+out of trouble. Behind Unklack, one of the peasants cried " Stop, or I'll
+shoot!". Unklack paid no attention to that obviously weak swine (mainly
+because he couldn't understand him), and tried to think about a plan to get
+past that magical "eye". Suddenly Unklack heard a thunderbolt from behind
+him, and instantly a portion of the glass in front of him was shattered.
+Now this was just too much for Unklack, so he plunged through the glass,
+and the instant he was about to hit it, the glass moved, making him fall
+head first on to the concrete. "Yaarrr", Unklack screamed, and he got up,
+and turned around to find, one of the guards rushing him with a club. Now
+this is what Unklack enjoys! Unklack ducked under the blow, and picked up
+the guard and threw him at his other enemy with the thunder wand. They
+both landed together in a large heap, and people inside the building were
+screaming, and picking up some sort of handle, and screaming into that as
+well. Well Unklack had gotten frustrated now, so he screamed a yell of
+defience and ran into the busy street. Suddenly something caught Unklack's
+eye! It was a huge golden "M". "At last!", thought Unklack, "I have found
+the treasure!". But before Unklack could run for the golden tower, a large
+metal box, with a human inside, smacked him up into the air, and when he
+came down, Unklack fell face first on to the black,soiless earth, where he
+proceeded to make a large crack on his head. But there was no time for
+pain, because Unklack had finally found the treasure. Unklack slowly
+arose and hobbled over to the huge golden M, onlookers stared in disgust
+at the blood running down his face. "Haernas quentos fesa meehanowack",
+Unlack said in triumph, as he finaly arrived at the M. Unklack then
+reached out, and touched the M, which was made of some weird material,
+which he had never before encountered. "Aaarrrggghh.....", cried Unklack,
+who was barely audible, for he had realized that it wasn'tt gold! Unklack
+then slumped down next to the M, where he then allowed two odd looking
+people, in white clothing, to take him across the street and place him in
+his bed, which he soiled with dirt, and his blood. Unklack then felt his
+life slipping away, and he noticed several people in white had crowded
+around him, and one of them placed two small plates on his chest, and
+pressed a button, which made his body fly up several inches into the air.
+"Obviously, they want to finish me off" thought Unklack, but this was the
+last thought Unklack had before all went dark. "Sorry guys, I didn't think
+I could save him", said Doctor Arvenbaum, as he pulled off his gloves,
+"Hey, why don't we go get some sodas"?
+ The End